Yes, small talk. And, meaningful conversation.
If small talk doesn’t lead to something meaningful, it’s probably not the fault of small talk; it’s because we’re doing it wrong.
“How is your morning going?”
Do you think this question, asked to a stranger, can lead to a meaningful conversation? I’d be tempted to say no if it wasn’t for a hotel breakfast host named Rhonda.
I met Rhonda at 7:05a.m. in the lobby of a Comfort Inn & Suites just outside Jefferson City, Missouri. I had ten minutes to grab breakfast before heading off to a full day of chapter visits, so I was a woman on a mission. I was tired, a bit stressed, and in one of those moods where you don’t really know how you feel about getting up and facing another day. Yogurt, bagel, and coffee in one hand, suitcases in the other, I find myself sliding into a seat at a table in the corner of the room. Ready to multitask over breakfast, I pull out my journal to jot down memories from the previous day. Enter Rhonda.
“Hey sweetie, how is your morning going?” she asks me, making her rounds to wipe down tables.
“It’s good! “ I answer. I’m admittedly not looking for a conversation, so I start to turn back to my journal when her cheery voice floats toward me again.
“Is that an FFA jacket? I used to know people in the FFA! “ Rhonda’s face is lit up with interest.
I’m starting to warm up to her and I have this feeling I’m supposed to engage in this moment, so I turn toward her this time. I respond that I’m visiting Missouri as part of my FFA role, and then throw back some small talk, asking how long she’s been working here at the hotel. As our conversation continues, the brightness missing from my day came shining through in the form of Rhonda’s kindness.
How often do we think of small talk as boring, a waste of time, or just plain worthless? It can feel like we never get anywhere and like we always ask the same questions and give the same answers; frankly, this is often the case. What if we’re doing it wrong? I believe there is a purpose for small talk: to lead to meaningful conversations.
As Rhonda shares her journey that’s led to working at the Comfort Inn & Suites, she hits on a message which warms my heart. With the same bright smile on her face, she says,
“working here helped me discover my purpose: my purpose is to serve people. I love my job and I love bringing a smile to people’s days.”
Rhonda sure did her job that day because, already, I felt myself begin to smile. She started out with a simple question, but she didn’t let me off the hook; she knew in order to bring that smile to people’s days, her small talk couldn’t stop after the generic “how are you?”; “I’m fine. “ exchange. She took it to the next level by sharing more about her own story, thus giving me permission to do the same.
Here’s the thing about small talk — if we go into every interaction with a purpose in mind, we’ll see the value. If we go into it with aimlessness, we’ll miss an opportunity. Rhonda had a purpose: make people smile. So, she asked questions that mattered — what FFA member doesn’t love talking about their jacket and what it means to them? Then, she shared her own answers that anyone can relate to — aren’t we all looking for our purpose?
Meaningful conversations aren’t always long, they’re not always with people we’ve known forever, and they don’t have to change the trajectory of our whole life. Instead, they simply require a moment of our time, people who care, and a small shift in how we take on the world. That’s exactly what Rhonda did for me. My day was already brighter after the beginning of our conversation, but the most meaningful words she spoke to me were as I headed out the door. I’d told her I was visiting high school students in area agriculture programs, and she smiles, waves, and tells me “go warm their hearts.”
Her words echoed in my mind all week as I walked into one school after another. “ Warm their hearts, Miriam, just warm their hearts. “ In a world of high pressure to perform and have the best workshop and leave a lasting impression, Rhonda’s encouragement in a moment of small talk was the reminder of the big picture that I needed. My role in those schools wasn’t to change the world; it was to warm the hearts of the people I met. Who knew I’d have my own heart warmed by a moment of small talk in a hotel lobby?
I challenge you to see small talk as an opportunity for meaningful conversation, not as its enemy. I challenge you to ask intentional questions to the people in your life, whether you’ve known them for two minutes or two years. I challenge you to enter every conversation with a purpose in mind. Above all, I challenge you to warm someone’s heart today.
How will you warm someone’s heart today through small talk? Share your thoughts in the comments below or tag me on social media at @nffaevp and @miriamrosah and use the hashtags #EmbracingComplexity and #FFA21.
Originally published at https://miriamrosah.substack.com on September 28, 2021.
